Martin McDonagh!!!

Christopher Walken! not a great pic, but it's somethin'

My friend and I decided to try for rush tickets sort of on a whim so we got to the theatre around 9am Saturday and waited in line for an hour, but it was SO worth it.  The tickets were a really good price too, and the show – man, that show.  SOO GOOD.  It was a way better way to spend my Saturday than working.  And it was my first show that I’ve seen in NY this semester.  I’m going step it up and make sure to see a lot more, but I gotta say, this was a helluva start for my second semester forays into New York theatre.

As you can see, the play was definitely the highlight of my week.  The rest has been really busy with classes and schoolwork, the usual.  I found out today that I got an A on my bio midterm, which is great!  But my calculus midterm, probably not so good.  My professor emailed the answers out, and I don’t remember all of my answers from the test, but I’m pretty sure I did really badly.  I just don’t get calc.  It doesn’t work for me.  I wish I could drop the class, but I need it if I want to do pre-med.  I think I’ll just try and get more help this time around, maybe I can work it out.  Oh well, you win some, you lose some.

I did hear some more exciting news this weekend: Meryl Streep is going to be the commencement speaker this year!  Hey, hey.  Maybe I’ll actually stay for commencement.  She’s a pretty cool cat.

Speaking of cats, my boss brought a kitten to the greenhouse on Friday (someone was going to adopt it I guess) and it was the most adorable little creature I have seen in ages!  I got to play with him a little bit after my shift was over, and he was so friendly and small and cuddly and wonderful, I really wanted to take him home with me.  It made me miss my cute and cuddly pets back home… but he did really brighten my day.

And I will actually be able to see my pets pretty soon!  Only three weeks til spring break.  I can hardly believe it – we’re almost halfway through second semester!  It is going by so fast!  Each day seems like forever, but every week as a whole seems to go by like crazy.  Sacre bleu!  (I’ve been working on my French, I think I’ve expanded my vocabulary to about 25 words now.  Tres magnifique!)  I’m really enjoying it, despite all the nonstop work, but I’m looking forward to going home for a while, chilling out with my friends, eating Chipotle, and enjoying the fact that I have my own room.

Well, I think I’m going to go get started on my seminar essay for tomorrow.

Au revoir!

I have a sort of a weird habit that I like to drink tea while I do my work, if I know it’s going to be a while.  I drank gallons and gallons of tea this weekend.

The farthest I got off campus was Duane Reade.  Five blocks.  Ouch.

It’s a nice example of foreshadowing – this week is going to be a rough one.

On a brighter note, I did eat some pretty delicious cake today.

I think that’s it for now.  I’m going to try to actually write something later this evening, but I dunno if that’s going to happen…

Ooh the suspense.  Keepin’ you on your toes.

dun dun dun…

It made up (a little bit) for my lack of New York stamina for this past week.  I realized that for 3 days I did not go off campus at all (meaning Barnard and Columbia).  How sad is that?  I was just so busy and tired and loaded down with work that I never really got around to it.  Ugh…  I cannot allow myself to become a campus hermit.  Not okay.

This week has been a little rough – I had tons of work and a bitch of an annoying cough.  But Thursday morning made me feel a lot better; I woke up at 10:00, looked out the window, and snow was falling.  Huge, soft-looking snowflakes.  It was gorgeous.  I was able to just sit and be cozy for a while, and that little moment made me feel a lot better.

As of now, I’m chilling out in my room on a cold Friday night, drinking tea and reading science fiction stories.  Tomorrow I’m going to sleep in, meander through my work and readings, and relax.  I’m pretty satisfied with that.

Most people would say that as long as you’re happy, you’re a success.  But this is a circular definition: what makes you happy?  Well, success.  Achieving your goals.  You may say, “No, no, that’s not true!  Not everything is about goals!  My family and friends make me happy, reading books makes me happy, a beautiful sunset makes me happy,” and on and on.  But even in these cases, the source of your happiness is goals:  your goal in life is to have friends, have a good relationship with your family, read lots of books (perhaps in order to achieve another goal of, say, possessing great intellect).  Sunsets are a bit different – I don’t think, when people get happiness from seeing something beautiful, like a sunset, a painting, a great film, etc, that one of their goals is “to see nice things.”  But then again, I don’t think this sort of gratification is significant in the long run.  Beauty can affect you, on many levels, but it’s effect always ends.  At some point, the sun will set.  And you are not quantifiably any more happy than you were before.  I suppose you could take a picture; and while the photo can make you have the same feelings of awe and delight and bubbliness when you look at your photo, you’ll only feel these things when you are physically looking at the photo.  For it to have a true impact on your happiness – your overall happiness in life (which is the basis of success) – you would have to constantly look at it.  There are some people who solve this problem by constantly surrounding themselves with beautiful things.  But then this becomes a process, and you’re no longer just appreciating the things you have; you are creating an environment, so it’s no longer the photo of the sunset, or the painting, or the movie poster, that makes you happy.  It’s the environment you create.  So for you, you might consider yourself successful once you have a comforting and gorgeous home.  You’ve achieved success in creating the perfect home.  That home makes you happy.  You’re happy, therefore you are a success.  And that success of having a great home makes you happy.  You see?  There’s no way to really identify which causes which – happiness, success, what?  Success comes from happiness, which in turn comes from success, which in turn comes from happiness.  And yes, I’m being nitpicky, but it’s important to see that the issue is not as simple as “happiness = success.”

Let’s assume, for argument’s sake, that the aforementioned equation is indeed true: “happiness = success.”  Let’s say “happiness” in this equation refers to overall happiness about life; I think that’s the generally accepted interpretation, especially when talking about success.  This happiness can be a result of any of the aforementioned happiness sources, i.e. sunsets, homes, friends, and family, as well as anything else that gives you a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

But what if I am generally happy?  Does that mean that I should strive for nothing more?  Should I accept my happiness and consider myself a success?  What if I believe that I am capable of more?  This thought doesn’t make me unhappy – it doesn’t deduct from my life happiness; but nor does it add to it.  Now, I know this argument can get into the subjective side; “Well, you have to suffer through Calculus because it will pay off later” – the general argument is, of course, that the work you do now and the annoyances you endure will lead to opportunities for more happiness in your future.  But this brings up several problems: first, where do I draw the line?  At what point should I stop compromising my happiness in the present to allow for more happiness in the future?  Second, what about now?  Should I always strive to be more happy now, or accept that I won’t be able to achieve the best in every aspect of my life?

I am happy; I have great friends, I’m living in a great city, I have a great job, I’m taking great classes.  But what if I could have more friends, or get to know my current friends better?  And what if I am not taking enough advantage of the place I live?  New York is amazing, but I’ve barely scratched the surface.  And my job in the greenhouse is great, but I also want to stay active in theatre (the theatre jobs also pay a lot better); should I risk losing my easy-going job by quitting and taking a job with the theatre department?  Would that job turned out to be a disappointment, or would it turn out to be amazing?  Is it worth the risk?  And my classes – yes, they’re great, but would I be happier taking something else?  Should I stick with my plan to study biology, or try something new?  Would I be happier taking film or theatre classes?  And what about in the future – would film classes in college lead to more happiness in the future?  Or would they contribute extensively to my happiness in college and then leave me with a shit career?  Would it be better to take the pre-med classes that I’m not looking forward to, diminishing my happiness in college, in order to have a more stable career, and therefore more happiness in the future?  The basic question is this – do I accept where I am, because I’m generally happy, or do I take the chance on something else, even if it might cost me?  Should I put more effort into meeting new people and strengthening my friendships at the cost of my comfort and security?  Should I explore the city more, at the cost to my level of energy, my school performance, and my wallet?  Should I try for a new job, at the cost of my relationship with my boss and coworkers, my love of plants, and possibly my stress level?  Should I risk my entire career based on what classes and which path I think would make me more happy?

I know that I want to be successful – I do want to pursue happiness.  But to what extent?  How far should I strive to go?  There will always be another height to reach, another level to accomplish.  There will always be risks to take, with payoffs that may or may not be worth the possible disappointment.  And I am going to take some of those risks.  I am.  But how do I decide which risks, which chances, which paths, are worth it?  And where do I stop?

For that matter, where do I start?

Winter break was awesome.  Friends, family, Avatar, no work, good food – the definition of happiness.

But now I’m back in school mode.  My schedule this semester is awesome, I love it.  I’m taking interesting classes, I’m working more in the greenhouse (and I’m not working any floor-washing shifts!), and I am just very pleased with how it all lines up time-wise.  My class load is heavier, but I think the classes I’m taking more are more exciting: Science Fiction, Global Lit, Chaos (Seminar), Bio (Cellular and Molecular), and Calculus (Calc is not too thrilling, I’ll admit).

And I got a raise!  Of $0.25.  But hey, a raise is a raise!

The Diana, our shiny new student center, is finally open.  It has the feel of a chic modern art museum.  I don’t know if I like it.  I’m hoping it’ll grow on me.  It’s very stark – the furniture is red and orange, as are some of the walls, and everything else is white.  It’s a wee bit pretentious.  But there is a new black box theatre, which I am pretty excited about.  (Although it is rectangular – who makes a rectangular black box?)

I haven’t been out  in the city to do anything yet, besides some errands around campus, but this weekend I’m going to do some bookstore hopping, maybe some downtown exploring, maybe see a show.  I’ve compiled a list of shows that I really want to see this season (my top 2 are A Behanding in Spokane with Christopher Walken and Sam Rockwell and Race by David Mamet) and I’m going to do my best to get to them all.  And wonder of wonders, when I checked my mailbox, I had a paycheck waiting for me, and I have another one coming on Friday; I had completely forgotten about these, so it’s basically like free money, which means I can spend it on shows without feeling guilty or irresponsible.  (Terrible logic, yes.  Do I care?  No.)

I watched a couple of episodes of 30 Rock on my computer yesterday.  Yep, I’m back in school.

Anyway, after our trek through the park we skimmed by the holiday market (we wanted to buy some gingerbread men but we forgot cash… whoops) and headed back to campus.  Then I went to lunch with Patrick at a Cuban place a ways up Broadway, and it was just really nice to see him and chat once more before we leave for the holidays.

After a delicious plate of Tostada Fransesca I went back to the dorm and packed up all my stuff.  But after I packed I didn’t really have anything to do, and I didn’t want to start studying yet, so I just watched a couple episodes  of (guess what) 30 Rock (surprise surprise) and took a nap.  It was awesome.  My bed is so unbelievable cozy, I just wanted to lay there forever.  Ahhhhh, I can’t even describe how deliciously comfortable I was.  ‘Twas a perfect nap.  Perfect.

After I awoke from my slumber, Maeve and I had dinner at Hewitt for the last time this semester (mediocre… can’t wait for home cooked food!  And Chipotle!)  and then made chocolate chip cookies for the cleaning people on our floor.  We feel bad that they have to be here every day cleaning up after a bunch of college girls, and we figured cookies would make them feel a little better about it.  They’re pretty tasty, if I do say so myself.  I hope they enjoy them.

All in all a very relaxing day, and I am glad it’s my last full day in New York for the year.  I am so excited to go home and see my family and friends, my pets and my neighborhood, my house and the mountains.  It’s been a long four months away.  I can’t wait to be back in Denver, comfortable and relaxed.  Granted, I only have a couple of days before we’re off to California, but I am just so ready to get out of Barnard for a while.  It’s great, but it’s not home.

So tomorrow I have my last final (Spanish, should be easy), and I’m going to be heading to the airport right after I finish it, which should be before noon.  I’ll grab a quick lunch from Hewitt and then I’ll start my journey west!  Just like Fievel.

Now I’m off to brush up on my Spanish before tomorrow’s exam, and then to sleep.  Perchance to dream.  Wonderful dreams about the fact that I’m almost home.

The mile high city awaits!

I also had my Spanish oral today, and I’m pleased to say it was probably the easiest oral exam I have ever taken.  My professor and another student and I basically just chatted for five minutes about our lives, and then it was done.  Not too shabby.  I’m hoping the written test proves to be just as easy.

On the whole the day was pretty long and rather dull.  But Barnard hosted the midnight breakfast tonight, which was quite a party.  A delicious party.  Una fiesta deliciosa (see, I’m set for Spanish).  Now I’m really full, and I probably won’t be going to bed for awhile, so I’m just going to appreciate my delicious fullness and sit around for the next hour or so.

The band also had their Orgo Night tonight in the library (since it’s the last night before finals), where they played some songs and had a pretty good… I dunno what you call it, “speech” I guess, where they basically bashed everyone.  Especially Barnard.  It was pretty good stuff.  I was entertained, anyway.  Afterward they came to the quad at Barnard and played some more, and everyone threw their notes out the windows and onto the lawn.  It was actually pretty cool.  It felt good to throw out my English stuff.  Suck on that, Reinventing Literary History.

Well, I feel accomplished.  Tomorrow I think I’ll just skim over my bio notes again, go to work (my last day before break!), go to the gym, and see Next to Normal!  I think it’s going to be a good day.

Quizás escribiré mas para mi blog mañana también, pero no sé.  Quiero escribir algo más interesante que “Lo que hice hoy.”  Si tengo tiempo, lo haré.  Trataré de despertarme más temprano mañana para que pueda hacer más, pero no he tenido mucho suerte con eso esta semana…  Vamos a ver.

Five days til I’m home!

On another note, I am having my weight room orientation today, so I can use the gym at Barnard.  Great timing, right, seeing as how tomorrow is the last day before it closes for the year… haha.  Man oh man I am not doing so hot with respect to taking care of myself.  Well, I can use the Columbia gym for a couple days I suppose, and maybe next semester I can be a bit more proactive.  That’s one of my big goals.  I’m just so damn lazy all the time.  I need to change that.

On yet another note, only 6 days til I’m home!  I cannot wait.  Once I finish my Spanish final Monday morning, I am hopping on a bus to La Guardia and starting my 7 hour journey back to Denver!  Woooooooooo!